Bon Voyage

With all the jubilant excitement that one might expect from slave labourers we have set sail. This came accompanied by much fanfare that one would suppose is intended to make one feel special, but unfortunately proved to be little more than a parade of the downtrodden staffers of the ship. Their dead eyes look straight through you as they offer up anything you may desire, they bus tables in a manner more suited to disinterested zombies, they care to know your name only if you might leave a tip, otherwise you are just another of the cattle here to graze and sleep and hopefully die.

Looking amongst the passengers I see many faces. Middle aged couples who are comparing this trip unfavorably to ones they have been on previously. Retirees who have blown their lives savings on this one magical trip only to find they barely comprehend where they are or whats going on. Young families who have just begun to realise the err of their ways in bringing children aboard a boat. I feel as if popcorn may be in order.

But I get ahead of myself, first we have a 40 minute safety muster and drill to attend. All of the passengers grab their life vests and cram into one of 3 muster points in the main theatres of the ship. There is vicious intent in the eyes of passengers as they rush to have the privilege of one of the few seats. An organiser is up front (Dawn) telling bad jokes (I’m Dawn on the Dawn Princess , no they didn’t name the ship after me) while people get settled. Then they start the pre-recorded safety briefing. It’s important that you respect the signals heard over the loud speakers and obey the commands of the staff and proceed in an orderly fashion-

WAIT. STOP. PULL THE SHIP OVER. CODE ALPHA TANGO. STRETCHER CREW TO THE VISTA LOUNGE.

The whole safety briefing is interrupted as we have the first casualty of the trip. The details are a little fuzzy, but suffice to say they are no longer on the ship. Disposal by fish may or may not have been involved.

After 10 minutes or so the briefing resumes. The vessel has “safety craft”, not life boats. I fear for what this distinction means for the survivors among us as we scramble for our lives. I have counted 3 elderly corpses that are visibly asleep. Now they demo the life vests, a few pieces of foam in a fabric wrapping that you strap to yourself. I see people who can’t figure out the concept of straps, nor what is the front of the vest. The elderly gentlemen next to me does not have the strength to unclasp his life jacket to put it on. Darwin would approve.

With the “safety briefing” complete, the passengers ascend to the decks to see us leave. The ship groans and heaves to life, that is if you are in a position to perceive such things. Between the adequate band, the throng of people, and the clinking of cocktail glasses there isn’t much room for your senses to find such details as the departure of safety. There’s no running away now, I’m trapped here with them.