Feeding Troughs

There are 3 primary pursuits upon the ship, and one of those is eating. You can satisfy yourself at the main dining rooms where you will have a traditional restaurant experience and a 4 course meal, the pizza parlor where you will get pizza, the burger bar by the pool where you will get ice cream, or horizons court where you will get fat. The most interesting of these by far is horizons.

This buffet restaurant is an exercise in excess, on most cruises you can find tumorous growths riding on fatty scooters making their way through the buffet and demanding you clear the aisle so they can get to a table momentarily before returning to the buffet. To my astonishment this cruise has been virtually free of these beasts but that doesn’t mean the passengers are without appetite.

From the moment of opening at 6am until it eventually closes at midnight, the buffet is attended by many passengers and at regular feeding times there are lines out the door of people waiting for tables.

On the way into the buffet every passenger must cleanse their hands with hand sanitizer to limit the spread of filth from these unclean bastards as they avoid the serving utensils to touch the food directly, taste just a little bit to make sure they would enjoy it, and then pile it high onto their plate. The salad bar can usually be expected to be free of this corruption, just take care that its been cycled out in the last few hours so you aren’t getting soggy fruit and wilting lettuce.

There are 2 sizes of plate offered at the buffet. Firstly there is the bread plate, which is of a size most of us would identify with dinner plates.

And then there is the real plates.

When I first saw these I thought they might be small serving trays. I was mistaken. Most people at the buffet use these monster plates and still take a perverse pleasure in playing a calorie laden game of reverse jenga piling their bounty high to create truly staggering meals before returning to their tables to bury their faces in it. Once satisfied, the creatures will depart the buffet to find further amusement, maybe a burger, maybe a pizza, maybe room service and nap before returning to the buffet for lunch.